Love

0:02 Hello, and welcome back to another episode of The Record of My Father. Today we're going to talk about the idea of love and how it's changed over the course of your life. So how's it changed? Your life or my life? I guess part part of your life is my life. Well, yeah. I mean, I mean, when I think, when I think about it, if I look back over my history and I'm 64 and I've probably been in love three or four times maybe. And and The thing is, is when you're in love with someone and then you're not, you're not really sure that you really were. So it's a very weird thing. You know, Sometimes you're absolutely, positively sure that that definitely was love, 'cause that's what you had. And it was all-encompassing.

0:48 And everything was wonderful when you had stars in your eyes and all that kind of silly stuff that you see on the thing. But other times you're like not really I just said that to get laid or something like that you know or or whatever the case and you know and and it and you don't feel you don't feel the the the connection and I think that so it's so it's hard to distinguish when you're in it I. Mean for. For me, you know being in a relationship, being married for over 32, three years, 333334 got married in October 6th 1990.

1:31 So it's been a long time and and I mean when you think about love, that's love between man and woman or partner and partner. What however you may be. I see I I'm, I'm weird. I don't think that that it's any different for a man and a man, a woman, a woman or a man and a woman. Yeah, yeah. I think it's funny that you went directly to the concept of marriage though, and sexual relations. Yeah, well, then I think I I. Find it funny. You can think about like family first, 'cause that's what I always think about. I think about familiar, really, before I think about everything else. Well, I think that how much I love my friends, 'cause those relationships can matter more than any relationship I've ever been in. That's a good point. Yeah, I think that's where I go when I think about that, that word. Well, most of my love is based in my marriage. That's where it really started.

2:16 I didn't. I mean, I don't look back. And then and then it comes to you, my family. I mean, you were this completely weird, different type of love because, you know, I, I, I could. I mean, honestly, I could have given a crap whether we had a kid or not. It never really was. Like, it's kind of like getting a dog. I didn't see any. Like, you got to love that one, don't you? Sure. I liked it. So we're starting a merchandise line guys. No, no. We were, yeah. I mean, you know that, you know the story that we were like and we tried early on and then we were told that it probably wouldn't happen and you weren't going to have kids and all of a sudden, you know, Wham bam, doodle, sweet French poodle, you came out, you know, and so that was sort of a shocker and so, but I would say that from that day forward, there was just something in me that said, oh, this is different, This was AI have a different feeling for you than I have for my love for you is a different love than it is for my wife. I think it's the idea of creating something and then I'm just a reflection of you as well. And I think that that is a big part of it. Yeah, that's a huge part of it.

3:29 But even when you were like this little mush ball of a, you know of a piece of play DoH, you were like, there was still this strong connection that I had to do this. And the the littlest acknowledgement you could give me would just make my heart go, you know, if you grab my hand, it was like, you know, and that kind of weird shit, you know, so, so it was very, you know, and I don't know why and and I'm sure everybody doesn't react the same way and I'm not being critical of people that don't get the same thing, but that's the way it was for me. And then I turned 13 and you were regretting everything you ever did.

4:10 That's what everybody says. And then I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill him. Or. Or when you scared us so bad that we wanted to kill you when we got you back so you could never do it again for whatever. Reason run out of the store or something? Oh yeah. When you were five and you went hiding in the in the. Oh yeah, yeah. I do remember that. Used to go. You used to think it was so funny to go into the department stores and run away and hide. I still do that. I know, but if we don't give a shit anymore because we figure out that you can take care of yourself, but when you were 5-6 and seven you you couldn't. So we would be like he got snatched, yeah. Well, you always get the worst idea, yeah. Yeah, and you're just like God.

4:51 Somebody threw him in a paper bag and they took him out. My God, he's this, that and the other. And he's been sold into child sex slavery, or he's been chopped up and eaten on a hamburger or whatever. The hell, you're just like when you're a parent. It's like for some reason it isn't that he met a responsible adult and they took him to the front desk and they're they're they're they're finding out who he is and he and he doesn't even know who the hell his parents are, 'cause he can barely know what our names are. It's Dad. It's Dad. Dad's my dad. I What's his last? I don't know what his last name is. What's your last name? Zachary, I mean, I can see the conversation where, you know, they would be in there. And parents don't think that way. Like, wow, somebody, they're they're, you know, 98. Percent, I'd say most people don't think that way. People always go to the worst.

5:35 Well, 98% of the. People in the world. Are decent. They they are decent and they will do the right thing. I'd say 98. Yeah, that's a good. Percentage and and I think but The thing is is your your whole mindset is, is focused on that 2% of the the most horrible things 'cause that's what we've seen on TV, that's what we've been pushed in front of us and all that kind of stuff so. That kind. Of kills that, but also that that, you know let's go back, let's kind of keep a little bit on topic about the love thing. You know, I mean as it's grown through the years, it's it, it obviously it becomes more emotional. You know you you go through certain levels you know you you watch. I would say that there are things that you know, you you, you see your kid grow up, you see him go off to school. You see you see you.

6:25 You watch your parents die. When you watch your parents die, when you're with your wife and how she reacts and how she allows you to react. That I think really sort of raises the level of love for you because she was there when my mother and my father died. She wasn't with them and we weren't together. But, you know, we got the news. Hey, she's dead. Come on over. You know, maybe. Maybe it wasn't as happy and friendly as that. And, you know, and and and then And then I lost my brother like five years ago when I remember the call that you were actually in the car. Yeah, well, you remember that. You were driving me to school. Yeah, I was driving you to school and.

7:06 I knew immediately what it was, too. I knew immediately, yeah. And she's crying on the phone and she's like, he's gone. Yeah. And it was just and it was just like to me, it was like, was that. Like five years ago. Yeah, and I didn't realize. I didn't really think that I gave a shit about my brother, even though for the last, you know, 5-10 years I'd see him every week. We talk all the time. We're real. This, that and the other. I don't think I ever said I love you. I don't think I ever did. I mean, really. A lot of people don't. I don't think a lot of. People you know. But when he when that happened for me, it was like it was like somebody took something. Somebody took the piece of you know, me, a piece of you become a little more guarded when you start to lose things that are really, really close to you and love you and that you love. And when it gets taken away from you, you got to, you got to develop a callus over that because that's a feeling that, you know, you open that up to you, like to you, You know, I've opened up pretty much my whole damn life and all my weaknesses. Because The thing is, is I think that a good part of love is when I share with you what I'm weak about. Vulnerability.

8:24 Vulnerability. That's it. And then you go like, OK, I'm going to stick this asshole here, here, here, here. That's why. That's why when you're in a fight or an argument with a relative, specifically a mother, father, daughter, son, whatever, they can be the cruelest people in the world because they know what your most horrible, weak moments are, and they'll poke them little assholes and and your parents will do the same thing, 'cause they'll know. Oh yeah, he hates his acne. Yeah, look at that. Listen, you little zit face, you know? And you're like, no, no, that's not, that's not fair. You know you can't. You know and and and and that's. That's the problem.

9:06 You know you've shown a vulnerability and you find out if people who truly love you, do they take advantage of it or do they make a mistake? You know, cuz occasionally you will say the wrong thing and go like, oh crap, there was one of the thousands of thoughts coming out of Phil's mouth that we're not. That he never, they never passed by the brain when I speak, I mean, so that's just the way it is. And then I. Really. You know, exactly. Because I will come out, I'll say something and it'll be like, oh, damn, I shouldn't have said that. Oh, that that was that was wrong. Can I take it back? Can I take it back? Couldn't they back? Well, you can't. You can't. You've got. To apologize and never got to go like I'm stupid and just and be honest with your apology and just don't say well you made me do that or I'm sorry that you feel bad that I said this horrible thing and it's like, no, you you said it, own it.

9:55 I did it. I'm wrong. I apologize. You got to forgive yourself too for for making a mistake because so often you're your own worst critic and maybe sometimes what what you said or I mean in certain aspects of what I've said as well, you have to you have to forgive yourself for saying what you thought was horrendous one. In fact, maybe it really wasn't. I don't know. Maybe it really wasn't. It's true, yeah. It's it's it's a hard thing to do. You, you were always so critical of your actions and you look past the things. Like, I mean, I have things that I've done that I'm not proud of and I would love to have be able to write those, but there isn't any way to write it, you know? If there was, I would. What do you mean to write it? What do you mean by that? I don't know if you if you if you say something horrible to someone and you apologize, what else can you do?

10:42 Yeah, exactly. I mean other than showing, showing what the apology means to you. You violated their vulnerability. Yeah. You've crossed a line. It's like telling a lie. If I lie to you, can I take the lie back by telling you the truth? Well no not really. I'm you know, I lied. So you know and it's whether or not I'm saying hey you look good in that dress. You know, as opposed to no I didn't have sex with 9 of the neighbors. You know that there's there's, I think there's degrees of line. Only nine of the neighbors. Yeah, well, I don't know. You know, maybe. Time. But, and that is not representative of anything that I've ever done, 'cause I haven't, OK, just make sure that we're. Not going back to so you you were talking about familial love and how it's changed in the aspect of as you've gotten. Older.

11:31 You've dramatically changed it. I think that my brother, my brother and my other brother have changed it. My sister, I'm kind of we're my sister. And I were always like, she's always been my protector since I was like a little kid, you know, forever and ever. My brothers were much older, four and five years older than my sister's, only two years older than me. So she was more of the, you know, protector and the love there is just I would do anything, you know, and I. And I just have that. And I'm the baby, you know. So, hey, I am what I am with the with the family, I mean. And my wife, I mean. As our love grows. Well, I don't know if it grows. I don't know. It's there. I mean, now I look at the point where, Oh my gosh, I'm going to have to take care of her or she is going to have to take care of me.

12:20 And we've had to take care of each other through the years, varying degrees. You break your leg, you, you know, I broke my leg. You do something, she does something. She gets hurt. One of them gets hurt. In a physical way. Yeah, in a physical way. You have to do that emotional way. When the other person, one of their parents, die, Like her father died this year, you know, she needed support. And all I ever did was, you know, and I disagreed with things. But one of the few times in my life I've shut my cake hole completely, 'cause you just, you know, when someone's going through that, it's it. It's not a time for me to be me. It's a time for me to shut up. And that's the one thing I think is that's a good attribute to learn, you know, So, you know, And now you know her mother's advanced age.

13:06 And there's love there. And you got to see like, what's going to happen? So yeah, I know exactly. But then she will eventually we we will both eventually get older and and one of us will become Intrepid, Drapid or whatever. We can't walk and all. That kind of stuff. And drapid, yeah, I don't know. I don't know what. The heck it is, yeah. No, but I think what you're talking about is that it's tested is that it's tested. OK, that's the testing. That's a good point. I hadn't. That's something that you're always testing. Testing your. Love depending on, yeah. And you don't do it because you want to test it. The world around in the test. Set right? I would never. I would never. I think that if you set out to test whether or not someone loved you, that you're an asshole.

13:47 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I would think like, oh, you've seen all those. Movies with that. 'Cause if I have to test you to see if you love me, then I am so insecure in my feelings about you. That and also I'm a crazy stalker wackadoodle, you know, I would never. I I think that that's that's a for me that would be a wrong way to approach it, 'cause I don't know if somebody else needs, well, you got to prove that they love you and it's like, I don't know how you prove it. You know other than, other than. Pro action, yeah. And. And I'm more of a, I'm more of a. All your words in the world don't mean shit. No, exactly. Show me right. I'm.

14:28 A I'm a I'm from Missouri. Show me, show me state. Isn't that what that is? Is what? Missouri is the show me state, I believe. So someone's going to correct me on that and hopefully somebody does, but I think Missouri is the correct me state the show me, yeah. Well, that's what. Truman One of Truman's famous quotes is that I'm from Missouri. It's the show me, so show me and something. That's where. It comes from. No, I know exactly. I I know you're talking. And I never verified that, but I just. I just assumed that he knew what the hell he was. Talking about, it sounds right. It sounds right. I don't think I need to be patient. It sounds right. Yeah, I'll look it up after this and figure out that I was stupider than usual, so. Figured I was Abraham Lincoln that said that. Yeah, probably.

15:13 Show me. Show me how to shoot somebody in the back of the head while he's watching theater. Probably shouldn't have. Dash. Probably shouldn't have said that. Yeah, but that's that's interesting. That's funny that you. What if John Wilkes Boot was from Missouri It. Might have been, it might have been. But that's funny that you. Well, he told me to show him no. That's funny that you go to personal relationships. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean you. You could you? Could you could? Expand it and say love of country. Do you have love of country? Do you? Have I don't understand the whole term patriotism. I never. I never got that any other country that will have that tongue I and we do for something.

15:54 So I I've never really gotten that. I think I like. Yeah, sorry didn't. I'm I'm trying to think like, do I what? What does that mean? Does that mean that that? Patriotism. Is that what you're talking? About Well, no. When I say I'm not saying patriotism specifically, I'm just saying love, love. If you love, do we love our country? Do you love your country? And it's like, I I guess so. I mean, I would. I I know. What that means if I was told up. In the military in my 20s, I would have gone and fought and died and done the whole thing. I I I have no doubt that I didn't have. I have, but I have honor and I have all those things that would go with that. So I don't think that that is truly love or is that just?

16:37 Is that from socio economic disposition as well? Is that why you would have done? That. Yeah, very much so. Yeah, then you have to say. Poor people die. Rich people go to college. Then why? Yeah, that's exactly. But that's that's true. That's. Not true. That seems to be the way it is. Not exactly. And I wonder, yeah, it's funny. I wonder if you, based on socio economic class of who loves their country more. I think if you love your country, you're willing to change it for the better. Well, see, that's. That's a huge aspect of it. I think that's what So I've heard people say, why do you always badmouth America? And you say that we do this and it's like, well, I'm from a place where just like I used to badmouth the company that I helped start, is that it wasn't badmouth, it was how can we make it better?

17:24 How can? We make it. Better. There, there is. You had, you had. To me, it's like America's a wonderful place. And it's great that we can sit here and say, hey, you know, he's an old fart. This guy's an orange turd. These people are horrible. We hate this class of politicians. I think they should all rot in hell. I think we should do have no military. I think the police should go away. I mean I think the idea that people don't come and arrest me and put me in jail for that, which they do in a bunch of countries, they don't do that in probably the 70 or so, you know democracies out there. But I and I haven't experienced them all. I've experienced a number of them. And so you have a lot of you have freedom of speech there. So I'm not quite so sure that freedom is the is the key to loving the country.

18:12 I think that there is a spirit in America which I don't see in a lot of places. It's the we can do anything type of spirit, which I don't as as a nation even. Even if we don't know how to do even. Even if we can't, even if we have people that are stupid, that are going to be dying in the front lines to make it happen, but but we are willing. We have in the past. I don't know if we are today, but we have in the past. We've been willing to try. We've been willing to go after. We're the ones that would jump for the ring. We're the ones that would jump off the Cliff to grab the ring. And we glad the ring we won. But if we didn't, oh boop.

18:55 And. We would and and we would have a line to jump on that ring and that's what I think is that's what if I was to say that I think that's great or that I'd love about this country is that spirit. Now when you focus that spirit on hating a particular group of people, I think it's horrible. But when you focus that spirit on doing something, doing something bigger, doing something grander, doing something that the rest of the world isn't doing or hasn't thought of doing, that I think is amazing. I think that's great. I don't think closing your borders or, you know, doing this or that. I think feeding everybody, housing everybody, putting a house on the moon, putting a A, A learning what the bottom of the true bottom of the Mariana trenches. I mean, we've had people, more people have gone to space and have gone to the bottom of the ocean. It's like that's weird.

19:52 Is that just strange? James Cameron a A movie director went to the bottom of the Oh my God, yeah, well. But a billionaire you gotta you oh, sorry, as he as as many people there there's there's not as many billionaires as you would think. Is he a billionaire, though? I didn't know that. He I I'm, I would guess so. I would guess so. From, from the movies and from all the stuff I'm, you know, that or. Avatar Yeah, and. And. And if it costs, if it costs $10 million to go there, it's like. Well, he built the ship, didn't he? Did he not? We built a he he had a ship built for him that was a yacht that had was totally fully electronic. It was wild. In itself, and it was all run by computers, so everything was.

20:32 This he had a he. Had a mask that was so tall that it would go sideways that. Oh, I remember that. That was crazy. I've never saw anything. I remember seeing that when I was telling a little that was that. That was a wild. That's a wild thing. I do have to say that. I do love James Cameron. I do have to say, yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, they they produce things that are otherworldly. I. Don't know about Bob. I was. I was a joke. But I haven't told the way of water. You see that one? Oh my God. Yeah. When we saw that. That. Oh, wow. Did you love? That I love that movie. Oh my God. And everybody was like, oh, what a linear way to tell a story. And I was like, it's not about this story.

21:14 It's not it's never been about this story. Well, I guess it's kind of a story. But at the same time, that IMAX 3D, oh gosh, touching a worm on log that was programmed like, Oh my. It was. It was. It was beautiful. So, well, that's that's, that's it. You know, it's like when you think about things that you really, really like and and and you know books. There are any books that you love. You know, when we think about love, there's so many different ways that you can Is it country? Is it? Is it? Is it direct family? Is it indirect family? Your friends, Do you love your friends? Of course. You know, some of them. Telling. Them. All of them. A few of them. Only one, you know. There's only.

21:57 One I have a few, I have a few, but then it's sort of like, I mean, I don't I I would say there's a line between, you know, love and what I don't know. I I try to figure out what that is 'cause I don't. You can't generalize. It though it's, it's not. It's not the. Same, I think you're over generalizing. It's really not the same and. It's. You know, and it's like, you know, when loving a friend or loving your son or loving a wife or completely different things. Even though love, the same word would be defined the same way, right? No, exactly. Yeah. You know, And they're all three. An inanimate object you know, A book, a country, a which. Is. Well, that's over a generalization.

22:37 Yeah. Or a person and a person how they fit into the your relationship is a, you know is whatever makes you up and you go to yourself like wow. It's that is kind of like wow. Yeah, well you're you're what, a third my age I guess. How is your love progressed from when you were like little knee drop kid to like now you're in your mid 20s and it's like what do you, what do you think? I never knew what it was. I still don't think I know what it is. I think I'm still trying to figure it out. Yeah. Who wasn't Asked me when I was back the other day. And I'm asking if I'd ever been a month before. And I was like, no, no, I don't think I have. I don't think that I have. I mean, not familiar wise.

23:17 But in like a relationship like that, every time that I thought I was, I was sorely mistaken. Well, do you? Do you? Why? Why were you mistaken? Why was I mistaken? Maybe in the instant? Maybe it was, it had to do with time, maybe in a certain allotted amount of time. I was. But can you say that you never were if you were for only a short time? That's an interesting question in itself, yeah. See, I had, I thought with certain people there was certain feelings of love, but then, you know, it just went wet. Whereas there are people that I've had feelings of love for that has stayed and has the test of time, you know.

24:04 Hence I've been married for 32 years. Not that that has anything to do with love. It has to do with her tolerance. How tall are? She she's really taller, you know what I mean? Extremely. Extremely. Well, yeah, I mean, but I am too. Yes, I think that's the one that's what you. Need. And I'm just a wonderful, lovable kind of guy, right? Yeah, with your little, what is it? Is it Denver? The Denver man? Denver man, no. But that's funny. It's if you were only for a short time, then you say that you never were. And I think yeah. And I don't. I don't think that you can say that you never were, 'cause I think that comes from a place of insecurity. I think that that does. So I think that you were. You have to say that you were. So then I would say that I was in love a few times. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

24:49 And then I I was and then I wasn't. Yeah, 'cause that's what's weird. It's sort of like and well and and certain ones the love took a while to leave and other ones the love left like 2 days. No, I I think you there has to be at least a time period which is five or six months. Yeah, I think we call it infatuation if it's. Not that's infatuation in the beginning. I wouldn't say that that is necessarily there's. Stars, stars. Stars the the honeymoon phase. I think that's what they thought. Yeah. But yeah, I think you need it's built on something, it's built on the experiences, and you can't just say it. Out we built this city. On rock'n'roll maybe?

25:29 You think rock'n'roll could be the reason for the basis for all love? You know what I was watching the other day was the Tenacious D movie. And do you know that Meatloaf is the dad in the beginning when there's like child Jack Black? Yeah, yeah. I do not know. Did you know that that was? Meatloaf. No, I didn't. I was shocked. My friend said that. I was like, wow, then that kid went on become the the older brother in The Goldbergs. Really. We should be getting paid for these ads. We should be getting. It should be. It should come back. We should. Really be getting paid for these ads right now? Yeah, but yeah, maybe. Joe Rogan should know. We'll send an e-mail out after. This we'll send one out. We plugged your show. And we also plugged, yeah, we plugged your show. We should get at least for our five listeners. We $0.75, you know, or 12 listeners or you said 30? Last time I.

26:18 Was like, whoa, what's going on? Who are these people? Consistency. The funniest thing is is. That we, we, we talk about a lot of interesting topics and it's like we connect. Yeah. And I think that our connection allows people to at least this is what I've been told and this is what I this is where love comes in. Yeah. Where where we do this? Because I frankly love you and I believe I'm pretty secure in the fact that you love me. And I think that when we do this, that we allow people to see that there is the capability to connect with a family member, father, son, daughter, son, daughter, daughter, mother, father, whatever the hell in many different ways.

27:01 And just in a in a straight commutative way 'cause I think a lot of people don't have that ability. They they may have love, but they don't know how to show it or say it or do it. You know, it's a scary thing. Scary. It's scary. Well, it's showing a vulnerability to someone that could, you know and squash you. Yeah. Yeah. No. They know everything about them. They could hurt you bad and it and it hurts bad when you when you look at someone and you say, hey, you know, I really love you and they're like, well, time for me to move on. Time for me to get out of here. Oh my God. No, but that's something I've always well, that's what I've always liked about our relationship is it's something, and mom's relationship with me as well is that it's something that I've always wanted to share with others to show them that that it's possible.

27:50 A lot of people, maybe not a lot, but a few people have come up to me and they said, well, I listen to your podcast, I started talking about bad again. It's I'm like, I was like I I every time like, thank you, Thank you for doing that. Thank you for telling me that, because that is invaluable. Oh my gosh, when we started this, this is all about. Yeah, when we started this, it was about you having a way to record all the bullshit lies that I told exactly. And now you have them. Now you can verify them and and if anybody else listens to them, they can prove that they're wrong or correct or true. And and and sadly, most of them are truthful, you know? I mean, one thing I have is resiliency, you know? Yeah, you know.

28:38 It's one one thing I've had the ability to do is like throw me down and I bounce up. I'm a Weeble, you know, Weebles Wobble. But we use that term four times except a second. Really. Yeah, we should have a Weeble counter at the top right corner. I think we're. Gonna Oh well, Weeble counter. I like that. I like that tick tick, tick. I don't like AI, don't like a cat noisy. I remember that when you were a little kid. My God. What Khaki. How's it? Yeah, khaki, khaki, khaki was this little screamy cat that would, if he touched it in his crib, it would go around. And it would do this in the middle of the night because he would roll over and we would be just like, oh shit, you know, my cousin Holden gave it to us and it was just like the funniest thing in.

29:27 The world. You can get something to him. To I don't know. I must have been. I did something horrible, I'm sure. If you think about a children's toy too for a sleeping baby that night, how did that can be great? That was great, no? But we loved it. Though I think we still have it too. We should pull it out next episode. We. Still do. And you loved it. You. You I want to see it. I think I know what it looks like too. You love it, man. You loved it. I don't know if he still does all that long. We can put batteries in there. Probably so, but your mom would probably then break it into a million pieces because that was the 2:00 AM wake up call. Was you rolling, you know? You want food?

30:08 You know, and then it'd be pop up and I'm like, I can't do anything. You got to go over there because he needs your body, not mine. Are you saying you didn't breastfeed me? You know I didn't. I would bottle Feed you. I bottle. I do. Many many, many, many many many way too many nights. Oh. Up until I did that the other 30. The first time, and that was that was a hell of AI. Didn't realize that it takes a baby so long to eat. Yeah, takes him forever. I was holding the guy for like 2-3 hours too. I no, I was like an hour, like probably an hour. And your arms get all like hurty, and they get all hurty and so on. There's not a big enough hole in the little the milk thing. Oh, is that what that is? Might be I don't. Know maybe I was doing a. Little fire hose.

30:49 I just take the damn top off and open your mouth and dump it in there. Go like break it, take it now, do you? Have a funnel. You put a funnel in there. Hell no, I didn't use a funnel. I just open your mouth and dumped it on your face and it rolled off the side and it's like, hey, you slept in them sour milk. Until the next day and then and the wife would yell at me and say what happened here and I said, I don't know, he must have puked. And that's how he got out of feeding me early on. That's that's how he got out of. I was just showing my love, man. I was just showing my love, OK? Because this is about love. I. Don't even have memories from. That that's funny. But it's to think that I don't have memories, but at the same time, but there's something ingrained in the business. Subconscious probably.

31:31 Yeah, it has. Remember something? I think that how you treat that infant up until they're 2345 and not just think, I mean you can look at scientific studies, you know, how you treat that child at the early age is going to have a huge effect of them later in high school and grade school and life. You know you can't correct horrible behavior at 11. It's 'cause you gave it to them early on. You know the. Technique. You can, you can modify it and you and if and if you put a grain of what do you call it, integrity into the kid. You know, at some point the kids going to go like this is my responsibility and that's what you're really looking for as a parent.

32:18 If you're looking for the person to go like, wow, my old man's this horror, this horror, this horror, this horror. And then you say to yourself when you get that age that you still have those four things and it's like, well, I'm 21, how the hell can I blame him for these four things? No, it's me now if I want to be, you know, a whore monger, A drunkard, A murderer, you know, a a drug addict or dealer, whatever. That's that's my choice. I've made that at that at some point I have to look in the mirror and say like, hey, this is me. It's weird how we this is love goes except love. Yourself. Isn't it? Yeah, Well, I I think that that is just generative of what you were taught how to love, like. Yeah, or something like that.

33:02 Well, we never had it in our family. I mean, we never said. It, which is always something that I am astounded by, is how you turned out and how you treated me. And it doesn't make any sense really. It it really doesn't for. Me. Well, I never. I never. I don't remember never, boy. I never heard the words. Never heard the words from any one of my family members. I don't think unless I said it first but I but but I don't And I think that was a it was a different time but also there's like, well, there was a belief that if we provided for you that that's love enough. What do you want? You know I tucked you in at night. I, I I read your stories. I helped you read I helped you do this that and the other like that's love. What else do you want?

33:43 Well, I I would want some holding and cuddling and all that kind of happy physical shit. Too verbal. Affirmation, I think is something that is shorted all on. Yeah, and verbal's OK but it But The thing is, is I would I. Think Verbal's undervalued I. Personally, for me, it's more physical touch. I think that I think that that's where I was shorted and that's why I'm very touchy feely is because I'm always looking to grab people and hold them and hug them. Because I think that that's something that I didn't get and it's something that that's why every time I meet people, I hug them. People like, why are you a hugger? And it's like I'm a pervert. No, it's because no, it's just sort of like I feel energy and I get, I get I literally get I.

34:26 Feel. Better when people hug me. It's just and it's not like sexual, it's just like it's just it's just it makes me feel better inside. I don't know why it's. Affirming. It's affirming in the relationship with that. Person with anybody and it's male, female, rabbit, cat. I don't give a. Shit, you know I have seen you cuddle the chinchillas. But never an alligator. Never. Never an alligator. Not again. No. We we tried that one time. Did not work out. Wow. We tried that. Ask Edwin. He'll tell you I have held them, but. We were talking about, yeah, baby ones. Not though, not the. Yeah, the other ones. Gosh, oh man. But I think we're coming up on our time here.

35:08 Yeah, I was gonna say that this is a very, very. Deep topic. This was a wonderful competition. And we kind of, we kind of dug pretty deep into it and then you know we did, we threw a few Perry's in there to kind of sidestep it for the most part we talked about it. And that was wonderful. I'm impressed. That's a really, really good. I was. I was surprised. I I didn't think I had it in me or I didn't think you had it in you. And I thought we would be like, well, I don't know. No. Well, that's something I always. Hell with you. Let's go get a beer. I tend to go go out of my way to to draw that out of people. Yeah, I try. I tried to, yeah. Not forcefully, of course. I'll call you Howard Stern. You're the. Great interviewer? Yeah, it'll make people feel comforted in their lives. Pull on that note.

35:52 Always been my mission, but yeah, no, I think that was great. And to our listeners, we have AQ and a section in the Spotify. So ask us questions or just give us answers. And rate US. You know, just give us. More. Call me a liar. I love that. I mean, we should probably offer people like a dollar. We'll mail them a check for $5 if they call Phil A. Liar. We For every question and answer that you post, we will send you $5 up to up up to $5. I'm going to raise my hand. This is my promise. This is my promise. There we go. Is that your? That's your left hand. Is it? Is it left or right? I don't know, man. You just did the wrong.

36:32 I'll. I'll do both. There we go. OK. Double promise. OK. But. Party on, old man. Party on everybody. Have a great new year.