Episode 115: Hair

0:09 Welcome back to a Record of My Father. You just got back from vacation and we're back. I mean, we've, we've already been here. We're just, we've been consistent. But this is recording again. We're talking about a hair. I recently noticed that my hair is falling out at the age of 26. Not really happy about that. What are you going to do? I got granddad on one side who was 1 bald MFR and then I got you who is. He just has a big face. It's not come on, that's what he uses. Hey, my face is getting bigger more lack. I just like that. I know it was my hair. My face is just getting bigger. You're like, OK, that that works. That's great.

0:53 I love that. Well, I think it's it's funny. It's funny that when you think about hair and like the process, like when you're younger, like probably when you were 14 or 16 or 18, you're, you, you focus like so much on how your hair looks and washing it and coughing it and making it perfect and everything like that. And you, you keep doing this, you know, becomes a big thing, you know, because it's how people perceive you. They perceive you by the look of what you have, you know, on your head. Some people give up early and become bald and that's a different look completely. You know, they're they're like a shaved head look. And most people I know that have a shaved head were were experiencing, you know, balding early.

1:41 Some will do, you know, and there's so many different things that you do to cover it up to do the comb over. I mean, I've always combed it straight back, which is the stupidest thing to do. They say that's the worst, yeah. That's the worst. That kind of shows everything. And it's like, well, I think, you know, I, I, because I experienced it around your time too later. And, and, and I think I've told the story in past things is like, I get the little bald spot right in the back. Most men start to get that in their 30s and you know, 40s fifties. And it gets bigger and bigger and it meets the balding, receding hairline in the front. And then you get this little cue ball look like right there at the top. And then you have, you know, the, the ear covers on each side that just goes around your ears where your hair is and that's it, you know, but the ear covers, ear covers, that's what you can call it.

2:30 I got my ear covers, you know, you just grow the hair long on each side and, and around the back, you know, and I always think that's funny when I see an old guy that's completely bald. He's got shoulder length hair and you're just like dude, or a ponytail. Oh God, really. But you know, it's, it's, it's hey, it is what it is. It's like mine now, I think when I was starting to lose hair in a more, you know, where I actually noticed it myself, where I actually gave a shit was probably in my 30s. And then I mean, my first question was I asked the wife because frankly, I don't have to look at it. You know, I only, the only reason I have to have my hair the way I do is because I it's an impression that give somebody else about me, you know, that's it.

3:15 And if they don't, if, if hair is a big deal, then they're going to look at me and say he's older, mature, something like that. I mean, it, it, it sends off a whole lot of signals. I still have hair on the top of my head to some degree. So I'm not that bald, but I'm, I'm bald enough, you know, And then the people that are a lot bolder and it, it, it bothers, you know, bothers a lot of people because it's like a masculine thing. It's like, wow, you know, is your Wiener smaller because you have less hair? You know who knows you know? I don't think so. I think the stigma is reversed on that actually. But the funny enough, you know, what's really interesting is the birth of the ironic mustache because it seems like everybody ages 22 to 2728 now has a mustache. But every time I see it, it doesn't seem like it was serious, right?

4:03 Like it used to be. It used to be a serious thing or not a serious thing, but like a, a kind of, but now it seems like it's a joke. I don't know. You look at it and it looks like somebody's just trying to tell a joke on their face. And I don't really understand that. I don't really get that well. We used to think it was cool and and I got to and there's, there's a number of reasons you grow a mustache at that age. First, it's like you haven't been shaving that long. OK. And so the hardest place to shave for a lot of people is right underneath the nose and right up and right up against the nostril holes. You know, shaving there is painful because the hair is like right up against it and you can't get a razor up close enough to make it come off and it'll leave like the hair growing there. And then you look like a little funky looking gorilla with a little mustache that's coming out of your nose growing the other way.

4:51 So you got to have those new flip over razors, which they didn't have when I was first buying razors. Now they turn over and you use the back of them and you can actually get closer. Oh, that's the thing now. Yeah, Yeah, it's a straight edge. So, so it's AI mean straight edge has been the only way that you could get that close to your nostrils and not and not have, you know, a a second mustache up there. I don't really get hair up there though. Yeah, well, you will. You will as you get older and you'll miss it. And then someone that you're close to will remind you that you have another mustache. And. But it is funny because hair grows more in different places and, and, and, and it's weird how you know when you're younger, you want the beard, you want the mustache and you want, you want the full head of hair to be more mature. But as you get used to it, then you got to shave every day, you know, and then and shaving every day is arduous. You know, you're dragging a razor across your face. And most of the time I don't care. I have to shave every day.

5:53 Otherwise I'm furry. But since COVID, I blow it off. I shave every three days, 2 1/2, like 2 1/2 days. I got about 1/4 inch of fur all over my face and now it's white. So I'm old as shit. And it just adds to my, you know, senile look when you have the Gray, like the quarter inch Gray all over your, you know, above your lip and everything. And people just look at you and you just, you just look homeless, you know? So that, that kind of adds to, I mean, my impression of myself, OK, I'm not judging everybody else that wants to be cool. Because you know, you saw a lot of the people in the, I think in the, the early 2000s where they were having the, the, the beard that was like 2 days of growth or three days of growth. And it was like a cool beard.

6:42 It was like 1/4 inch all over their face. And they look like a rough and tumble on macho. And you know, it's OK when it's brown, but it, when it's white, it's like, what the fuck? Santa Claus, You're we. Gotta bring back the mutton shops. That's what I'm trying to do now. The Conway Twitty mutton shops. When he was like 50 he used to have these grey mutton shops that wrapped around his jawline and they were I think all mud Choms wrapped around and going. But who's the Queen, dude? Who's that? Freddie Mercury. He had he had mutton chops. For me, no he didn't. No way. He did. He grew him down. He grew mutton. Freddie with mutton chops. I I remember. Be a sex machine, but then you also have mutton chops. No, no, man, he's.

7:28 That's kind of shocking to me. I don't know. I'm trying to look right now. I don't see him. No, he doesn't have mutton jobs here. Oh, wait a minute. Oh, wait, no, that's Limey from No. No, he or Lemmy from Oh. No, that's, yeah, Lemmy Kilmstead. Lemmy add mutton jobs. Lemmy had some muttons. They look really similar though. I didn't realize how similar Lemmy and Freddie Mercury looked. That's really funny, actually. Never really thought about that. Yeah. Strange. Well, maybe he didn't have him. I just made that up and for my senility. And I was thinking of Lenny. But Lenny does have them. Freddie Mercury and Lenny Kilma.

8:11 Mama, whatever. Killminster. He's a Motörhead guy, yeah. Yeah, Motörhead, because he had Freddy just had longer sideburns, but not he didn't have the whole much because I remember people used to grow them down and they grow them down bigger and smaller. And then you got the guys that have the little pencil thin must beard are going around. It's like 1/2 an inch all the way around. Yeah, that was weird. Long and then you have the people that have the big Berry, you know, gorilla face, a wolfman face where just they let everything grow because my, my hair now grows 3/4 up my cheek all the way out, all the way down and down my neck. And said the reason, I mean, even when I had a beard, I shaved every day or every two days.

8:55 I'd rake my neck with a razor because it itches, you know? Yeah, the neck is the itchiest part. I swear every time I grow one, I'm like, when we were in Mongolia, I grew 1 and I hated it. I hated it. It was too itchy in the beginning, but then you get past the first. I think it's three weeks. Month. Yeah, three weeks to a month. It's someone who grows a beard and used to grow one every. I used to grow one every November. I grew it through December, January, and then I would shave it off. Oh yeah, I did this every year and it was just a big. Deal big, I'm getting deja vu. I feel like we recorded this episode already. What do you think? Yeah, we probably did, but. You know what, I'll attach them.

9:37 Together to make it. Then nobody listens to us anyway, so we can replay it, we can read and talk about it again. I'll put them both together. I'll make it a 5 1/2 hour episode. That's all I'll do. That's what I'll do. And you just say, hey, it's, we'll call it dementia. We'll call it dementia dash hair, hair, hairmentia. We'll call it Hairmentia. But I think about all the different things that and how they affect you. And I mean, and when you think about like clothes, when you're giving an impression to another person, the things that you that you have what, what, what do you do? Whether or not glasses is another thing and I would read sales material, marketing material about what what you do and how you go to impress people.

10:20 And facial hair is a neutral. It is unless you were interviewing someone that has a beard. They may like it the fact that you have one too, but if it's better looking than your theirs then they're going to have a problem with that. Or it's a different style or whatever the case. But for the most part clean shaven is is the best sales tactic. Mustaches are, you know, unless you're Tom Selleck. I mean, I tried to do it, Tom Selleck, but I couldn't do it. Tom Selleck was awesome. Yeah, he had that monster. You know it is. I love it, Bill Burr said. Dick Duster. That's terrible.

11:01 I just. You said, yeah, I was up there and I was shooting the movie, and it was during National Gay Pride Month in New York, and I'm walking around with this Dick duster, and I couldn't believe that not one gay person hit on me. I really felt bad. And I was like, Oh my gosh. OK. They really felt bad. Yeah. Well, you go frequent gay bars. You. I mean, yeah, when they don't hit on you, yeah, kind of embarrassing. It is. It is because then you. You got to change something. You got to change. Yeah, when you see. People that are that are that far gone that they're not even considered like, wow, yeah, we didn't consider sleeping with you. Like, whoa, whoa.

11:42 I kind of like that. Well, I mean, I used to frequent, I frequented gay bars when we were in rehab. All the time. And I got hit on a number of times, which is actually kind of feels good to some degree, but it's also like, you know, you know, it's, it was a very common thing because it was all the guys were married and they were divorced and they had moved away. And they're still seeing their, I mean, come and tell you their life story in the first 3 minutes of sitting up drinking a beer at a bar while I'm waiting for my house to be built 'cause I got to go check on it on weekends. And, and, and, and the reason I went to the gay bar 'cause it's the only one open during the winter.

12:24 The. Only one open. OK, it was the pond. I went to the frog Pond. I remember that. And it was, it was, it was like it was a lesbian bar. And I mean, for the most part. So I go there and they had food and I get there at 11:00 on a Friday night and they're the only place serving food, you know, in November at the beach, you know, So, and they, and that were, and I wouldn't say only they were walking distance from my house. So I could just, I walk four blocks and I go sit and I have a beer and eat a cheeseburger at 11:30 at night and then go back and go to bed, you know, and, and, and if there were people in the bar and it's Friday night.

13:08 So it's kind of rocking, well, rocking for a. Week November in. November. I mean, they were usually fairly full, you know, I remember. Going up there so. Because. Nothing more depressing than being there in the winter. There's nothing to do. Yeah, there's nothing to do at all. Yeah, well, you can do well, you can do parkour. You were really good at that. Oh yeah, when I was like 9. Remember that. Yeah, I do remember that. You were, you're 9 and you ran across all the rooftops and I'm sitting here encouraging it. Oh man, I was bad. And then I got to rest. I was like go live it or something. It was a good time. Yeah, that was your fault.

13:48 You got caught. Exactly. Daddy told me to do it. Who's your dad? Who's who's? That guy who's your daddy? Yeah. He's the one getting me put in jail. Now you're gonna do that? I gotta teach you how to rob the bank, son. Teach you how to. Rob it so you don't get caught, you know, that's the thing. Go to the tellers. You gotta go to the tellers. Never run the vault. As soon as you go to the vault and messes up. It doesn't matter if you break the law because laws are meant to be broken. It matters if you get caught breaking the law. Very good point. Yes, yes, and this is really about hair.

14:29 My eyes are dry right now. God I don't have contacts. I've just been drying my eyes out. I don't know why. Well, think about when you think about hair, it's like, how come it doesn't grow on inside of your mouth? That. Well, that's what I was thinking. Froze inside your nose, kind of grows most of the way inside of your ear. Well, doesn't grow on your forehead either, which is interesting. Yeah, wait. Wait until you get older. Wait until you get older and your your ears just become covered with hair and you're like, what the the ear? Where was that? Well, that was when I realized at 22 that I had nose hairs. It was crazy. They started coming out like septum piercing. Yeah. And I had my Brett Favre nose hair trimmer. That was the first one I ever bought. And it was from, oh gosh, Was it from World Market? They sold the Brett Favre nose hair trimmer. And I was like, this is the best thing ever. I think that he he is one of the best football players of all time, even though he was robbing his daughter's private high school of charitable donations, which was kind of an interesting thing to do.

15:35 We're not going to talk about that, though. We're going to talk about his football. Career. How horrible was that? I mean, of all the things that you would do, that was odd. They stole money from a housing project. I think it was for housing. Was it through? And it was. Through his daughter's school though, right? Am I wrong about that? Yeah, but he but but he but they did it to to pay for their own. I think the kids tuition or something. It was some weird. The school was in there somehow, yeah. Yeah, the school was in there somehow, and they were doing it for the benefit and theory of his girl to go to that private school. And they were raising money for the private school. And the way they were doing it was stealing from a charity for people that were poor. And it was like, and you're like. Dude, dude, didn't he make out $20 million a year? Or it was a lot.

16:19 Yeah, and he. Was worth a ton of money and you're just thinking like, and they stole the million or two and you know, it was just just not a bad place, not a good place to be. What a weird. And I mean, I don't know, I don't know if he how well or how much he knew about it. I don't know this, you know, and all that people. Oh, you shouldn't have, you know, he was innocent and he just did that. And I can see where people that, you know, give money to certain events or sign their name on to certain events. They wouldn't know all the bad shit that happens, you know, for sure. And they didn't support the bad shit. You know, you hear about Oprah Winfrey and her there was a her, her kids school in Africa and one of the, one of the teachers there was a pedophile and they, I think that's the story. I don't remember the whole thing. But then they all, they start pinning that on her and she's like, I, you know, I just, you know, you're a response Roper. You hired him and he's like, no, I didn't just give them $100 million and they they build this stuff and they hire these people and.

17:17 There's got to be something about her out there that's going to be. Crazy. Oh, there's lots of stuff. I'm sure, yeah. I I think in 20 years we're going to find out a lot. She knows P Diddy. OK, You know there's lots of pictures with her and P Diddy so. Yeah, but you know, when my friend had a dream the other day where he pulled his own mustache out through his nose and then he wore it, it was really cool. Oh my God, that's a great idea. So. Just pulled it down like this. Sounds like it was mushrooms involved. Now he's just sleeping and he had a dream that he pulled his mustache on through his nose. That would hurt. You think so? Yeah, when you figure out you pull up nose hair. Oh my God, that hurts. Yeah, you ever do that with the tweezers? No, I just do it with my fingers.

17:59 Your finger I can't do. I can't get a good grip with the finger. I can't do that. I got to use the tweezer but I stopped doing that because it hurts so freaking. Yeah, I don't do that. I don't do that. I did it once and I said I'm never doing this ever again. I'd rather look ugly and not cry all over myself. When my bartender cuts my hair, she cuts my nose hair too, so I'm happy. Oh, does she? Does she do nose hairs? Nose hairs and of your hairs. I'm always afraid I got shaved at that place that you go to once. Oh God. And he shaved me for fucking 45 minutes. I didn't get it raked up the thing and I'm like you are the worst at this. I didn't see you did it to me too one time and I don't know why they go the extra 50 razor rays across your face, but you know once is enough. They shaved you?

18:49 Yeah, for 40 minutes. Yeah, I've been shaved there before and I think they're trying to they they they believe that the more they do, you feel like you're getting more value, when in reality, I I don't I don't want that, that, that is just so freaking. I'll take it like the. 1st 4 layers of your skin off. I would never do that again. I would never ever do that. I'd never had to shave their hair. Cutter's fine. And and basically I have a lady there that just does the same cut. And that's a different thing too. When you think about women will want to get their hair done every couple weeks, you know, and it frosted or colored or this or that and all that, it's like, I don't know if men are at the same level or do we just hide it more? What do you think?

19:30 I don't know. Wait, did I get shaved there or was it at the hair cuttery? No, it was there. No, it was there I. Remember the guy I remember that was I was just like, well, the same thing. Remember when they when you had a Mohawk and she wanted to cut your hair down? Yeah, yeah. And you're like. She didn't just like cut the Mohawk off and make it the same. She just shaved your head down to being, you know, you were granular. Bob Boy. You look like Mr. Chemo Guy. You know, no, no offense to chemo people, but no. But it was just the funniest thing in the world because I'm like, why is she still cutting his hair? There's very little left. Yeah, they don't know when to stop there. They don't, right?

20:10 There was no, I think you had to like, say that's enough. Yeah, I think I did. There was no, there was no. Because they believe that if you don't say that's enough, then you must want more. Well, that was like this. This guy. I left a terrible review on Yelp at this place called Neighbor Barber or something, or Hello Barber near me. It's about about 10 minute drive and the last two haircuts, $80 apiece, and they're the worst haircuts I've had in my life. And I went on Yelp and I said your new staff is terrible. I consider you fire them and rehire because I'm never coming back here. And I was rather harsh. But you pay 80 bucks for one.

20:52 Yeah, no, it's crazy. Well, that's plus tip. And it was like God, I don't even know why I get my. Tip 100% and mine 60 that's correct 30 bucks and I pay and I give her 30 bucks. I can't find a place like that here. Well, that was like, my friend has this place where there's 85 year old woman, Iranian woman, but she's super anti-Semitic and like yells at Jewish people that come in while you're getting your hair cut. She'll start screaming at them and you don't, you don't really want to go there. But he said, yeah, it's worth it because the haircut's $10. It's like it's a great haircut, but she screams in your ear at the people, like through your ear basically out the other side like so you.

21:33 Can't. It's kind of like going to the clan to get a haircut. It's just not a good idea. And if the clan was an 85 year old Iranian woman, yes, that is really, really fun. Oh my God. But yeah, I get my hair cut at the clan, but the way she threatens, they just put a bowl on there. Go. It was really funny. She's like, you come in here, I kill myself. I kill myself right now if you come in here. And it's like you're. Threatening to kill yourself if these people come in. It's like, I know you're Jewish. I will kill myself if you come in here. I have a razor blade and she's like, put the razor blade to a wrist or something. That's crazy. Oh my God. Yeah, she's, she's wild. She's a crazy woman. But $10 haircut. So I mean, yeah, what are you gonna do about that?

22:15 $10 you're gonna like. Hopefully she doesn't kill yourself till she's done. Yeah, $10, just $10. Blood all over you, you know. No, exactly. But I was like, I was asking my friend and he's, I was like this coveted because I think he started telling the story and then he was like, OK, maybe I shouldn't have told the story because they're still want to again and want to get the haircut. And I was like, so where is the place I want to get the $10 haircut? He's like, you know what? It's just not worth it because I think he himself, in the storytelling realized that it wasn't worth the $10.00 of getting his haircut, you know? Mine in the course of, let me say 1/2. I mean, I've been getting my hair cut there for like 10-15 years. Yeah.

22:56 Yeah. And it's the same. It's the same lady. I go in, I just sit down and she, I get a back massage. I get a hot towel. She does the massage on the neck and then all that kind of stuff. And she you, you tight today. She's a Vietnamese lady. Vietnamese. There we go. I'll learn how to say that eventually. One day. You know, and she tells me about her province and whether or not she went home and you know, and all that. And I tell her like, I, I was there and where we visit in Vietnam and she likes to hear that. I think I told that story like 2 or 300 times to her. And she always remembers me because I, I think I'm, I don't think everybody's generous there, but I've seen people say that, wow, you know, I left a $5 tip and they didn't even say anything, you know, and you're like, you know, it's 30 bucks. So that's not even 20%.

23:42 So I mean, I realize it's, it's good, but you, you start to realize that what people are living off of and it makes you want to if you can. And that's the key. If you can be more generous, you know, because the, the, the extra little bit isn't, it isn't going to affect me. It's, it's going to affect you. It's going to give you less inheritance. That's what I'm kind of messed up. I'm pissing away your money. I can't believe you're helping people still accomplish the American dream. That's kind of been attempted to be stamped out for the past 10 years. Really 1520 years been stamped out but. The wage discrepancy has been a horrible thing and I think that we haven't seen, we haven't seen wages.

24:26 Keep, do you think, do you think it really change if we had a universal $15? No, no, I don't think. I don't think that. Would be helpful. I think it would be helpful in a lot of places, but it is is someone who has been in the business world, they will figure out ways to get around it. That's. Kind of what I was thinking. They will. They will do things like you did when you were Papa John's where you, you got paid $2.00 an hour to drive when you were delivering pizzas and you're supposed to get minimum wage when you were working in a thing. And they would always say, no, no, you didn't work in a thing. You're like, yeah, I just rolled out 17 pizzas and did this. And it's like, oh, well, that was only that. That was 10 minutes. Yeah, the peoples that were salaried there were just the biggest pieces of trash I ever met. And I remember my manager saying, you got to give me two weeks, and I said, oh, do I?

25:12 And then I never showed up ever again. Yeah, no, it's so funny that we believe in this corporate bootlicker mentality where we need to give them two weeks when in fact they need to figure it out 'cause it's their job. And it's like, I don't, yeah. That organization that owns that Papa John's that you worked for, I looked up online and they have been sued and they paid a like a, it's their franchise group. And they had like, I don't know, 30 or 40 of them. Well, they were robbing drivers like they were crazy because they they weren't only just robbing you guys. They were doing all these, this, this whole every single franchisees they had. So they ended up settling and I think it was for like 12 or $14 million.

25:59 You know, it was a big deal. They were stealing, you know, they were underpaying the drivers. They weren't. There was all this stuff the way that they were squeezing the profits and they were only going to the top people and they. Finally won that too the other day about 3 years ago. The the people that sued them. Yeah, yeah, but I kind of pissed myself off about that 'cause I didn't, I wasn't submitting information to them the whole time. And my friend George got about 10 grand from the Jewel, the Jewel one, the, the one they sold or sued Jewel for. What was it false advertising or something that it was made to be a thing to quit smoking, but it really wasn't. And there was a class action lawsuit against them. George got 10 or $12,000 from that. And I was like, damn.

26:48 They those don't yeah, I mean you get those all the time and some and there's people that say hey, I do it all the time and what do you make? It's like, well I put $400.00 in a week and I made 8 grand last year and you're like, he's gonna work for 7-11 dude. Well, he like submitted only three times or something about that. Yeah, well, I think it's it's, it truly is the luck of the draw. Yeah. Hilton had something similar, same kind of tip thing where their their staff and their people, they wouldn't pay them minimum wage. They would pay them like how many rooms should buy the room you clean or delivery services. They, they had a when you ordered I and this I it actually happened to me. I was at the, the Hilton in New York on 45th and something or other the main 1 and I ordered a cheeseburger and two Heineken comes up and it was like $32.

27:45 And that in itself that included a 20% gratuity, no 1818% gratuity plus a $5 delivery fee. Now when the guy gives me the food, he said, well, are you going to give me a tip? And I'm like, well, I mean the food and the beer was like 26 bucks and now it was 39. I'm sorry. And it was like another shit money on top of that. And I was like, I'm paying almost 40 bucks for 2 beers and a cheeseburger and not fries dude, just cheeseburgers. And I was just like, dude, it says gratuity 18 is we don't get that that's. Crazy.

28:26 What about the delivery? We don't get that. I said what what you don't get anything You we get paid the $2.00 an hour, $1.00 an hour or something like that. It's wait staff. And I was just like I said, I think I gave him 5 bucks or something. I didn't. I was just like what I had and and then I saw a suit. Hilton settled a suit like 240 million or something, some crazy number because they do that. And that's when I shifted to only tipping in cash. I don't, I don't, I, I carry cash with me. So if you want to rob me, I'm a great guy to rob. I'll just give you the cash, you know. You can find him this specific baby Ray's barbecues on Wednesdays after 3:00 PM between 20.

29:12 Five I've always tipped in cash after that because it and because I saw what happened to you and I've seen what happened of other people and it's just like it. I think the thing that bothers me the most is that the people that are stealing or stealing from those that can't fight back. And I, I just, and if someone who's had shit taken from me and I had no opportunity to fight back, I'm like, fuck that. I'm not giving them an opportunity to steal. I'm going to give it directly to the server. And I, I mean, I do that all the time. I did, I went to lunch today and I said, I don't, I don't tip on the card. I tip cash. Oh, and they're like happy because then they get to keep it, all of it. And it isn't taxed, you know, so there's, you know, I do my own.

29:53 No, no tap on, no tax on tips. I always love when my tax dollars go to ethnic cleansing in the Middle East. Yeah. You know, Yeah. That's that's a horrible thing. I that's. Always my favorite part of. That's that's a completely different episode. Do you think they have more hair over there? I would say so. George is a Lebanese man. Yeah. And. Lebanese is different. He can grow a beard. I'm just saying Middle Eastern but. In three days. Yeah, he can grow a beard since he was about 12. And yeah, I think, yeah. But if does he ever taken a shirt off? I wonder. He's hairy. He's hairy. That's what I mean. He's hairy. When you see the people, you're like holy crap.

30:36 And see that I used to not have back hair. Now I have back hair. I mean, what the hell? Well, I'm glad I don't have back hair so I can go fast down the water slides. Yes. So that's all I really care about is really going fast. You ever you ever Lube yourself up with Vaseline before you go down the water slides? No, you're not supposed to do that. You're really not because you go too fast. You can go off the water slide and get. Yeah, I've been on the ones that are so like vertical where you get you kind of lift and you get air underneath you. I want to go back to Paradise Island in my life, yeah. And your fall, I'll do that. I do. That you want to go back I love a water slide there's not enough adult water parks out there the. Ones that went through the sharks were amazing.

31:20 Remember those? Well, there was that one that was completely dark and it felt like you were in there for a mile and it was straight down and you can't lift your head up because you'll hit your your. Your you know, you smash your face, Yeah, but it. Wasn't the leap of faith, it was a different one? Yeah. And you ended up in this underground like cistern. It was like, and you walked out of it. It was so cool. It was like. Oh yeah, I remember that was. Really, really cool. Yeah, wow, they had a bunch of them. Yeah, well, that should be one of our things is to do a water park trip. I think you wanted to do the one in Germany, right? Because that's the biggest. One, I would love to do that. Well, that's an indoor water park. If you want to do an indoor water park, largest indoor water park is in Germany. It's in a giant airplane and the.

32:01 Outdoor is the Pacific Ocean, so. Yeah, well, that's not a water park though. Yeah, it is. You know what I was thinking about? Imagine if all the world's oceans were sand. That would not be good. We would be dead. Yeah. Would we be dead? We. Wouldn't have any water. Oh yeah, yeah, that wouldn't be good. Yeah, that would be. So bad. I wouldn't like that. I wouldn't like driving around in the desert for that long. Get lost. But. When you think about hair, what's the longest you've ever had your hair? I have like shoulder length bleach blonde hair, remember that? Yeah, you, you definitely look like an addict. That was your drug addict. Case I look like Kurt Cobain.

32:42 Yeah, it was cool. After he was dead. Yeah. Well, no, I remember when I first got it done, when I think it was Rena that. First did it. Oh, when you did it, I was just like, oh shit. He's, he's losing his mind. He's. Losing his freaking mind because you went from me and she's like, look how good it looks. And I'm like, he looks like someone that I wouldn't be frightened of on the street. And I know he's going to ask me for money. I thought it looked good. I still think it looked good when I first got it done. I still think that. Lost like 20 lbs very quickly. Yeah, well, I was like 135 lbs. You were that guy. You were the very, you were the skinny addict. That's what it looked like. It just, it just played out well. It's good.

33:23 For your metabolism, if you think about it. Yeah, I don't. Think about it that way. I. Don't know about that. No, but my, I had, I had, I had that in college. I had the not only shoulder length hair, I had a full beard and a full mustache. So I was a hairy dude and I wore a top hat. That was my cool thing. You know, I hitchhiked with that. I did all, I mean, when I work construction, I did that. And it's just like, because I grow a beard every year and I and I can grow a beard and I just grew my hair long when I was in college because I was like, who cares? You know, until my senior year. And then I, I got a haircut before I went to New York and went to the exchange and was this corporate looking guy in a suit.

34:05 And people are like, are you, are you in this class? And some people are like, Hey, Phil, they didn't even know. They just like looked at me and talked to me and I was just like, do you, you, you don't notice anything? No, what? Because I had a full beard. I mean, like furry, you know, you seen that one where I'm in the hallway and I'm sitting there and I'm like looking off to thing and I'm shaving cream all over. We had a shaving cream fight in the upstairs hallway and we're throwing beer cans at each other. That's that's when I had the that's before I shaved, and that's when I went on the the bench to see how deep I could get beer cans in my room. I don't know why I did this before I had to take him out and it literally got to knee deep in my bedroom. I'm.

34:48 Surprised you didn't get any bugs in there. That's. Shockingly, no. But that. Doesn't make any sense to me. We. Had doggy there because he could just stick his tongue all the way into the bottom of the beer and drink, take whatever was leftover and they would just drink it and throw it in the room drink it and throw it in the room. And we filled my room bedroom up the whole all the floor space. I had to get out of bed and hear the cans. You know what a bunch of cans sounds like in the morning and I move over to my chair and I'm rolling around in the chair and literally the chair. The the cans are up to the bottom, just the very bottom of the chair. So your legs are down in the cans and every time you move, you move 30 can. It just it's and I'm sitting there reading and this is pre computer, no computer. So it's book, you know, and then I get up and go outside and I got to pee.

35:36 I go out the door and I got to shut the door because they're falling into the hallway. You know, it was just like, and I'd leave them out there and then those guys would come and complain and pick them up and throw them back in my room. And then we'd drink a case of beer and they'd throw it in my room again. It was, it was we had a really, really good way to keep the kitchen clean. If we had a there were, there were 4 roommates and we all agreed. But you have to do the dishes every day. You do the dishes, clean the sink, that area there and around and the stove and that every single day. And you have till midnight and there's schedule and everybody's on the schedule. If you do not do that, you have to buy a case of beer.

36:18 And my whole time at Oldham University, Milwaukee's best was 599 for a case. So we would you, you would like, if you didn't want to do the dishes, you would buy a case of beer, bring it home and start drinking, you know, because it didn't stop you from drinking the beer. It just, you had to. So if you wanted to get hammered on a Wednesday, you'd get a case of beer, go home and say, I ain't doing the dishes like you, you know? And then everybody would be like, oh, OK, they drink with you because they knew that you were going to try to absorb that. It sounds like that's a recipe for just people buying queso Bureau. The time of the dish is never getting gleaned.

36:59 I mean, the wildest time is around exams because exams everybody is studying and they're, you know, in between studying, they're drinking and drinking and studying and whatever. And people would go out and go like, OK, I'm not going to do. I got, I got Tuesdays and then Wednesday, Thursday, Friday set, I got Saturday. So I'm buying, I'm off both days. I'm buying 2 cases of beer here and then and I'm not doing them for this week. And then other people be like, if you had to do it once that week, you'd buy a case that beer. So for seven days we had 10, you know, 11 cases of beer hanging around and people were just drinking constantly. You know, right after the exam, at the end of the exam would be a, a blow out drunk.

37:46 And, and then the, the, the kitchen was literally you would go in and you would find a plate and wash it off and clean a pot to eat out of. I mean, it was so ramen was my my major food group them ramen and I had I had cheese type product. I don't know what it was. It was like a bought it. Type Product. Yeah, it was. It wasn't. It was cheese type. They couldn't call it cheese. It was. I don't remember the name. It was non brand. I bought it at below. It was $0.99 for like 18 oz or 24 oz.

38:30 So it was big. And I take a thing of that and I put it on top of my ramen and it would just get to where it would be Ripley. It wouldn't actually melt. Cheese didn't melt and people were like, what do you mean that doesn't melt? I said OK, and doggy had his, he had an iron skillet and he cuts it on and he goes and he believes, he said cheese always melts. So we throw, we throw one of my cheeses into the into the griddle and it's in there and it's on and it just turns black. It never melts. And I ate that all through college. That's good, you know, because you know, if you sold plasma and I'd sell plasma for 12 bucks, I'd say a weekly. I could go in, hit plasma on Saturday, get 12 bucks and then I could get a loaf of bread, 12 ramen, a pound of that manwich stuff.

39:23 A big thing of Balogna type meat, it wasn't baloney, it was Balogna type. It was another one of those really cheap brands. So yeah, baloney and cheese. I already had mustard. So I was set. I had sandwiches and I had rum and I had dinner and I get a a bottle of bourbon. Senators Club was $3.50 per quart. And then I get a 2 liter bottle of Diet 7UP which was $0.89 and so that was my my weekly groceries. Nowadays that would be $90.00. I don't know, man. It was, it was, it was just an interesting way to live, you know?

40:04 And I got to tell you, if you drink bourbon after you sell plasma, whoa, feels good. You get. You get even if you even if you're an atheist, you get much closer to God. You don't even have to eat. It feels great. Yeah, you do. It's just wild tomorrow. But the the hair thing, you know, what's really interesting is the. Hair. I had hair in college, you know. Matthew McConaughey was talking about how there was this doctor that goes to the hair transplant kind of Fair every year in Turkey, and he always said that he was Matthew Mcconaughey's hair surgeon. But when in fact, Matthew McConaughey never did hair surgery.

40:45 He just did the application of minoxidil. He did the hands or I think it was. Is that Rogaine? It was Rogaine. Yeah, it was Rogaine. He was, he was a Rogaine guy and he always used that and he never had the complete surgery. So it it turns out that this guy was a liar at the hair committee every. Year you, you, you look at Terry Bradshaw and you may not know who he used to be a quarterback for the Steelers rate and he's a cue ball. But he, he was an advertisement because he's, he's, he would, he speaks for the NFL and he's in the NFL Sunday squad and all that kind of happy horse shit. And he had hair. He didn't have hair at the end of his career.

41:27 Then he had hair and he had hair for like 2 years 'cause he had all his hair implanted. And then now he's a cue ball. Interesting. It doesn't, you know, I don't think it stays. What year was it though? I'm wondering if they got it this day recently. I don't. Know would have been 90s. And interesting. Probably, and now he's got to be my age or older. He's probably older than me, but you know, but he was like the greatest team ever. The Pittsburgh Steelers. He played with Franco Harris and me and Joe Green and all these guys who were just amazing, all those guys. And he had hair when he played football. But then he came out of football and you know, a lot of people in their 30s is when it all goes downhill. You can't comb over.

42:09 You treat a comb over as you grow your hair. I mean, I had AI remember, I had a math professor and Northern Virginia Community College were the in stands for knowledge. Anyway, this Asian dude had a had a hair. He had a huge amount of hair that wrapped around his head almost like a turban. And it was weird because, you know, and I remember that he leaned over and it fell off the top of his head and it hung down like a foot and a half. And the whole top of his head was bald. And he just had figured out how to grow long hair on one side and loop it around so it made him look like he had his huge full head of hair. And he pinned it in the back and everything. And I'm like, I think about, I mean, I'm trying to think about what you think about your personal image so much so that you have to put that much effort into making it me, you know, it matters that much.

43:11 And it's something that, you know, it's genetic. It's kind of like, you know, of all the things you can change in your life, it's whether you take care of your hair or don't take care of your hair. I don't think it really matters. I think it's you're you're predestined to what's going to happen. You can you can try to color it and change it and you might there might be certain noxadil things that work for certain people that help them. But I don't, you know, for the most part for me, unless you go way out of your way. Because that's the thing I thought about Rogaine, is it'll wash your hair twice a day. When it first came out, that's what I remember. Well, I think my problem is I started doing adult things young. Like I started drinking coffee when I was like 1415. That's good for you.

43:53 And then I started smoking when I was 15 and then really good started doing drugs when I was like 16 or 15. You waited till 16. So I think that. That's the problem. It should have started at 12 like me. The hair growth, I think it's it's fucked me up. I think I would have been taller too if I didn't drink coffee. I think it would have been a little. Bit time. Coffee shortened. Sure, I thought cigarettes did. Definitely. Well, coffee has gone to show that it stops your growth kind of when you start drinking. It's very interesting, yeah. That's weird because everybody's OK with you drinking coffee, but they're they, you know, smoking cigarettes is stunts your growth. That's what I always heard. And I always. I always heard it from the 8 and 9 year olds at the boys club who were smoking. The Koreans to live the longest in the world and they all smoke too, so I don't really care.

44:41 But eat a good diet. Eat what you want. I think it's the last couple years of your life and how you're going to live. I think it all the, all the bad things that you do, that's when they come to roost. That's that's when you know, you, you, you look at it, it's like, hey, I've been smoking for 40 years and then you die of cancer over nine months and you literally waste away to a rotten little ball of yellow puffs, you know, and you're like, that's kind of, you know, well, that's the you're, you're suffering all that you did, you know, I mean, you can just whip out a gun and blow your brands out like. Well, that's kind of what my plan. Well, I was thinking about that the other day. If I get esophageal cancer, I just kill myself. Like I would never do the hole in the neck thing. Like, I see that and I'm like, why wouldn't you just? What about removing the lower jaw? That too.

45:27 That too, yeah. That was kind of like a wobble. Well, that's like if you blow your face off anyway, it's kind of. Remember the? Who was the? Guy. Who was the guy that was a great God? What was it? He said something bad about Bam Margera's buddy. Ryan Dunn, yeah. When the guy got killed. Oh, who was that I? Remember that it was, it was, it was Ebert, I think was Roger Ebert. The other guy died of cancer. This guy smoked too, but he got esophageal cancer. And. They froze his face. He had the very just standard like that.

46:09 So he drooled all the time because he couldn't control it, but he couldn't speak and he had to type and he had the, you know, whatever, but he he be he was still, you know, sound mind body except for cancer eating your face off. He's he, he still commented on his ex and all this other kind of happy horseshit. And but I'm like, wow. When your body becomes a prison, I think that's it. It's about time to to call it. Yeah, yeah. Well, everybody, everybody feels well, not everybody. Many people have like concerns about what happens if you, you yourself and yourself you know. That's.

46:55 That's considered the faux pas. Horrible, bad. I mean, we even have. It's a crime, you know, I think it's kill yourself. I think it's funny. That it's a crime. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it seems like any personal decision you make in this country anymore is a is a crime. Wow. It's kind of ridiculous unless unless the current. You know, I don't understand if if. Unless her. Regime. Thinks it's OK, then it's Then it's fine, you know I. Don't think anybody's ever thought it's OK, but if you think about these people that are wake up every day and yearn for darkness and then they finally get the darkness that they've been wanting their whole life, is that not the greatest release possible? I mean, is that not a positive? But if you force that darkness, then that's considered breaking this religious law.

47:39 You know, like how it's considered cowardice to take life into your own hands, which is really funny. But it's not. But it's not cowardice to kill other people. Yeah, yeah. I can, I can whack you right now and, you know, beg for forgiveness and get it. But if I kill myself, Yep, that's it, too bad. Forever. Yeah, yeah. It makes no sense. It makes no sense. There's. A whole lot of a whole lot of weirdness there. And that has a lot to do with hair. I think it really does hair. I mean, you think about the longer the hair, what was it? Who's the guy that cut his hair? And he couldn't. He was strong. It wasn't Hercules Sinbad. No, it's one of the. Prince of Persia. One of the religious, Yeah, No, no, Jesus, no, we should know this.

48:25 It's it's an old silly wise tale about the guy that grew his hair and was super strong and then he, the queen cut his hair and then he wasn't strong anymore. No, not too sure. Now you got me curious now, because I got to, and now I'm all in weird land because I got to check that out. Yeah, it does, doesn't it? But there was. I forgot what I was going to say. Never mind. You know what I did see a lot of in Mongolia was yak hair. Yak hair. They make that into a cashmere too. Cashmere is really big there. And that is, is that goat?

49:08 Samson, OH. Yeah. Yeah, the ACT was forced upon by Delilah, leading to the loss of his divinely granted strength. Another less direct example is Absalom, who according to Two Samuel 1426 would cut his hair once a year because it became heavy, though his story is more about the variety than a loss of power. Wow, weird source of strength. Yeah, that's why I grew up in here long, so I can be stronger. You know, I don't know, that seems some made-up shit, but hey, it does, yeah.

49:49 But they're, you know, the things in the Bible are just kind of takes their mythical stories, except for when I want them as real world applications, right. So then then they actually apply to the real world. But the all the other times that they seem like stories, they're stories, but when they don't, they're actually real world. I think they're only good when they plant hair. I think they're really good when they apply to hair. Hair lengthen, you know, I wonder if old people, well, you know, it's weird if you think about it, but up until this is something I saw recently is that up until the 1830's, the average age of a man was how old 35 S until science came along in the 20s, thirties, 40s and 50s that it start to significantly expand to to make us live longer. So all of these stories are based on people that only lived 40 years. 35 you would be near dead. You would be at the end of your life. I think that's so interesting.

50:52 Too, you know, and it's like you, it's, it's not, it's really not that long ago to say, you know, 150 years ago I would have been dead 25 years ago, you know, I would have been dead shortly after you were born. Your mother would have probably died when you were born. She was almost pretty. She was like, you know, so hey, so that's. I think the whole idea of accomplishments during like Lord Byron, right, who died when he was like 24, and then you got a bunch of other people that like did all of these things when they were like 20 through 24. It's incredibly interesting to think of. Like that was the end of their life. Yeah. You know. So they also had access and and money and things like that. Yeah, I'm going to live forever too. Which is what?

51:37 That or the links to the Kingdom and what have you. Yeah, but yeah, what, what time are we at here? We're at it is it's 734. No, it's 4/12. What does that mean? So what time is? It I don't know how long we've been going on this. Oh, it's we're we're right at hold it 59 and 29. Seconds. Oh, there we go. Perfect. All right, well. So before we close all. You want to recap, right? You're doing. Now, any last, any last thoughts about hair? I mean, I think that I think that my I'll give you mine. Yeah, give me yours. Mine are that your hair is as a reflection of yourself.

52:21 Should I mean mine is basically based upon what image I want to project outward and also what image people expect to see of me. I mean, I thought that I would love to grow my hair long again, but I feel like that a 65 year old man with with long hair is just, especially when he's balding to me is just silly. OK, but that's no, no offense, no offense to those that that want it. That's their game, that's their thing. I don't, I don't get it. I get a cut regularly because it's easy. It's easier to wash, it's easier to clean on a daily basis and that's it. You know, I don't color my hair because my wife doesn't want me to. I've asked her, I don't care.

53:05 I'm I'm fine. I look at it and say, wow, I would look a lot younger if I had Ronald Reagan hair, you know, jet black like here. I did. No, I would. I would look, I would probably look 20 years younger. Because I got to see that I'm like, what the hell? A lot of guys would, a lot of guys do, but if I if I came back and my hair was brown tomorrow, I would look a lot younger. This is a bad guy job. It's a huge thing. Well, no, that's it. That's when I I talked to this one guy and I said, my God, you never seem to age. And he goes, I, he said, I'll give you my colorist name. And I'm like, oh, and he goes, yeah, no way, man. If I didn't have a colorist, I would, you know, you know, I'm lucky to have hair, you know. But hey, it is what it is. What about you?

53:47 What about me? What? Do you think about hair? You're closing? You're closing comments about hair and what do you think about? I was thinking about starting minoxidil the other day. We'll see what happens. We'll see what happens. You know if you I took the. Finasteride that should maybe want to kill myself. So am I going to do that? There is that I was like, would I rather kill myself and have hair or would I rather not kill myself and be bald and I I think I'd rather not kill myself. I'll take a I'll take a bold sack over a dead sack just to That's my. Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking too. Yeah, yeah. Oh God, it's cold at the fucking house, man. Well, I'm so tired today. I don't. Know you old people? I'm really tired.

54:28 All right, well, we'll see you later. Record my father website and social media. Go check it out. Bye bye.